Dealing with Imposter Syndrome
I’ve been in the tech industry for over 15 years now. I started working as an intern at 15 years old for a local school district. It mostly helping them go through e-waste from schools for recyling during the summer. It progressed to helping with new build outs for computer labs and delivery components to on-site technicians at the schools. I did this until I graduated from high school (but only during the summers, my school time was all tied up thanks to the IB program).
I then started at the University of Central Florida with an Information Technology major. Everyone felt like they knew so much more than me and asked a lot of smart questions. I felt totally out of my element.
Then I was recommended for a teaching assistance for a programming course. This was unexpected, as I was personally struggling with the coursework that I was supposed to be helping others with, but I made it work.
I only did this for a year until a got a job at a local web hosting company as a Level 1 helpdesk tech. Mostly just handled calls from customers about issues with their websites. I quickly moved up to Level 2, and then on to the coveted Level 3 role (this one was nice because you got to be in a desk away from the noise of the main helpdesk area to focus on your tickets, as well as not having a phone on your desk).
Moving from a job to a career
I graduated from the University of Central Florida in 2014 (oof it’s been 10 years now since this was written). While I was wrapping up final exams, I interviewed for a bunch of different places, but finally landed the opportunity I have now. The interview process went well, although I was nervous all throughout wondering if I knew enough. Based on some of the previous interviews I had, I definitely was feeling down on myself with how the interviewers were reacting.
Before I could even get to the airport to head back home that night, I had a phone call with the job offer.
I was ecstatic, nervous, and ready to move forward all at the same time. A few weeks later, once the graduation was complete, I moved on up to Maryland and started the job.
Boy did I feel out of place again.
Being the newbie
For the longest time, I was the youngest person on the team. I joined the company was I was 24 years old and at the time, they pretty much never hired people right out of college. I had a lot to prove to my coworkers and quickly finished training and got put onto some pretty heavy accounts. Things were going pretty well, I was starting to get used to working with my new coworkers, settling into the account work.
About a year in - and pretty much ever since - I’ve been hit with a heavy dose of imposter syndrome. I’ve been working through it by keeping notes of what I’ve accomplished throughout the year, notes of affirmation from customers and coworkers alike, and keeping track of what tasks I’m working on and what I’ve completed. I still feel like I’m waiting on the shoe to drop all the time though.
I get anxious about important changes. I get anxious about things that won’t make any impact at all. I feel like I have to double- or triple-check my work before handing it off. It’s a big weight that I feel like I carry for no reason. I started working here as a Solutions Architect at the bottom of the ladder - today I’m a Senior Solutions Architect II and the third most-tenured person on the team. I’ve received countless rewards and recognition for the work that I’ve put in to make my customers and team successful.
Why do I feel this way?
I’ve always been a people pleaser. I take on way too much work compared to what I can actually complete in a reasonable time. Somehow I make it work. There were a few years where I legitimately considered quitting and finding a new job because of the stress and burnout I was feeling.
I’m still working a lot on saying no to work that I don’t have adequate time to take on. If fire drills pop up on my accounts, I’ll take care of them. Typical day-to-day work though? If I don’t have the time, it’s gotta go elsewhere or get pushed to the end of the line.
I used to just say yes to everything, get overwhelmed, get into a cramming mode, and then suffer the consequences later. Things have gotten better, but it’s taken effort of saying no. Management has also helped a lot in the past 5 or 6 years as there has been a really strong push in improving our work-life balance, which has been great to see.
Where do we go from here?
I’m still working on myself - that’s probably a lifelong journey to be honest. If I start to feel stressed, I set my work messenger status to Do Not Disturb, shut down my email client, and focus on a single project for an hour or so. This helps to keep distractions away and gives me time to get things done that have been sitting.
I also still have to improve my own internalized thinking of myself. I’m wanting to get back into lifting weights again. The handful of years where I was consistently lifting weights four times a week and eating a healthy diet is about where I felt the best about myself. I felt strong, like I could take on anything.
I need to get back to that feeling.